Oh, the good ‘ol days of trying to instil in our amazing children a sense of Right and Wrong, Good and Evil. Hero and Villain. We use dichotomies to explain nearly everything. It’s simple. It works. When they are small (like under 5) they trust you explicitly and hang on your every word.  Life is good. 

Then, as our offspring get a little older, (and especially as they gang up with their siblings) they make us, as parents, work harder before they accept an explanation. Their instant and relentless use of “Why” and “How” feel like an interrogation as my words stumble and sweat builds on my forehead. 


“Are they going to take Dad to jail?” I hear from the rear of our Sprinter Van … “Because GOOD people obey the law, BAD people break the law…and go to jail.”


With a Distracted Driving citation in hand, my urge was to complain and rationalize in a vain attempt to alter the $374 consequence.   I felt that very human desire to be miraculously delivered from the consequences of my action.  Trying to save-face didn’t work, so I admitted my guilt, re-assured the progeny that I would not be taken to jail (not today anyway), and had a great discussion about actions and choices. That each choice we make has a consequence that either increases or decreases the number/quality of choices we have in the future. 

 

Years ago I wrote down the following from the book 8 Attribute of Great Achievers, by Cameron C. Taylor. 

  • As we obey the Laws of success, we move to a more successful state of happiness, peace, power, freedom, and prosperity. As we disobey the Laws of Success, we move to a state of sadness, weakness, bondage and misery.

  • With every choice comes a consequence.  No amount of complaining or rationalizing will alter the consequence. There is a human desire to be miraculously delivered from the consequences of an action.

  • Obedience to the laws of success brings freedom.

  • The correct use of our power to choose will result in more choices. The misuse will result in fewer choices. Each time we make a choice, we either gain more freedom as a result of our increased choices, OR digress toward bondage as the result of our diminished choices. 


Back in the Sprinter Van that day, our discussion moved beyond traffic laws to the laws that govern our happiness, freedom and future choices. I’m not sure how much our children got from the conversation but it sure was a great lecture for me to hear. 

 

I’m convinced that we are lax in obeying the Laws of Success NOT because we don’t understand their consequences but because the consequences aren’t felt instantly. Most consequences don’t show up until well into the distant future.  

 

For example, if you touch a hot stove, the consequence of pain is felt instantly.  We connect pain with touching the stove and, therefore, never do it again.  However, crushing some fast food gives no immediate negative feedback. It’s as though we can “get away with it,” even if we loosely believe in a “Healthy Eating Law”.


Imagine if poor choices had instant negative consequences (adapted from “The Compound Effect”; Darren Hardy):

  • Eat a Big Mac —> momentarily feel the pain of a minor heart attack. 

  • Puff of Cigarette —> face turns wrinkly and weathered like a chronic chain smoker, just for a few minutes.

  • Not give your best at work —> we instantly feel the emotions of someone who has just been fired and nearly bankrupt.

  • Forkful of cake —> 50lbs is added to your frame, just for the rest of that day. (My rationalizing human brain is trying to justify eating English Trifle, as long as I didn’t have to see anyone the rest of the day.)

Because PAIN is instantly associated with a poor choice, it’s reasonable to say we would never do any of those actions again. 

 

Also imagine if great choices had instant positive consequences:

  • Read a book on confidence and communication —> we’re momentarily transported to being on stage, lighting up an arena full of people cheering and applauding.

  • Stick to your budget —> feel the giddy excitement of arriving at your newly purchased lake home. 

  • Eat healthy —> for 3 minutes after eating you lift up your shirt to count your 6-8 well defined abs.

  • Be emotionally available for your wife —> momentarily feel …(gotta keep it PG rated).

Because the positive feedback and PLEASURE emotions are instantly associated with great choices, we would engage in those actions again and again and again. 

Here’s the main point:

If ONLY pain or ONLY pleasure were instantly and vividly associated with any action, we’d simply make great choices that lead to a future of increased choices.  Being a Success-Law Abiding Citizen would be so EASY.  Bring on all the happiness, peace, power, freedom, and prosperity that exists. 


However, our choices often have MIXED EMOTIONS or mixed consequences of both pain and pleasure.  Just glance at the “Imagined” choices above and it’s apparent both pain and pleasure are associated with every action listed. And it complicates matters more when some are experienced instantly, but others have a delayed effect. 


Our task is to answer the right questions.

  1. How can I make consequences tangible and instant, rather than distant and un-urgent?

  2. How can I feel ONLY Pain to negative actions and ONLY Pleasure to Positive actions?


Leverage and Imagination —> To Be Continued…