I just SH**** all over myself.
“SHOULD” - One of the most damaging words in the English Language.
Remember when I made an emotion-less, non-committal, non-personal wish to improve my health and body. (Click here for 1st blog instalment of “Love Handles”)
"Well a guy should probably start getting in a little better shape.”
Let’s break down the many faults with this weak declaration of a fitter future.
“A guy” is generic, non-personal, 3rd party. Gotta own it and make it personal.
“Should” - See synonyms below.
“Probably” - If the word “should” feels too serious and committed, then adding “probably” creates another exit.
“A little better shape” - Undefined and non-specific. Gotta be specific about what results I will accomplish.
Overall the statement lacks any emotional buy-in as it is void of any compelling reasons to achieve the result.
Rather let’s re-engineer it to:
“I must improve my health by moving my body and nourishing it everyday so that I can feel empowered, confident, energized and lighter.”
We can raise our standards by turning our “I Should” rules into “I Must” rules.
“The Self Made Man/Woman” Statue
Picture two people. One is trim and vibrant. The other is overweight and sluggish. Maybe it’s not two different people but one person with two futures of health. (image source: www.aongking.com)
You might think that if their health is an expression of what they value, then they must value different things. And that’s not the case. They both want to look and feel good. The difference lies in their rules. The one has “must” rules whereas the other has “should” rules. Words are powerful! At the risk of thesaurus-splaining you into boredom, ponder the synonyms for should.
Should, consider, probably, possibly, potentially, maybe, intend to, conditional, recommended but not mandatory, used when there is a chance of something happening.
On a scale of CAN -—to—- MUST, should is a lot closer to WON’T (i.e. NO F***ing Way that is gonna happen).
I should this, I should that… Oh No, I Just Should All Over Myself!!!!
Yikes, now consider the heightened level of commitment embodied in the synonyms of must.
Must, essential, mandatory, necessary, vital, unavoidable, certainty, imperative.
Necessity is the mother of invention. The proverb is so true: “when the need for something becomes imperative, you are forced to find ways of getting or achieving it. Tony Robbins says it as follows:
Evaluate Your Rules.
Which “should rules” in your life need to be upgraded to “must-rules”?
I should try to stop snacking as much in the evening —> I must only eat during my eating window (i.e. when 6pm comes, I’m done consuming food).
I should not eat as much as I usually do —> I must only eat until I’m comfortably full and must never gorge myself to the point that I’m uncomfortable and feeling regret.
I should try to eat better —> I must make food choices that will effectively fuel my body. I must redefine “the feeling” of hunger as normal at times rather than an existential threat.
I should lose this winter weight before summer comes and get the “monkey off my back” —> I must establish exercise as a daily habit, engage with it as an adventure, and make movement a lifestyle.
Warning: Things are about to “Get Real”. Stop reading now if you don’t want to get rocked!!
Lifestyle diseases are much more likely to kill you than automobile accidents, guns or drugs.
The diseases caused by our own choices (poor diet, inactivity, tobacco, excessive alcohol consumption) are responsible for 7 in 10 deaths each year.
And yet we so casually have “should rules” around those relentless killers. Imagine someone living by the rule, “I should try not to drive into oncoming traffic too often”. That should rule will kill them, its just a matter of time. That is why we have a must rule relating to playing chicken with other drivers. And so it is with the should rules relating to our diet, activity level, etc. Again I should this, I should that… Don’t SHOULD all over yourself!!!!
